I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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