That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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