dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
