so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
