Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
