Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Someone signed my nipple.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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