Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
