Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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