I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize