were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize