i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
