A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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