I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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