im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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