I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
