ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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