My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I love you.
Bad choice
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
