I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize