It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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