We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
