Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize