guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
