I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We left an ass print on the piano.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
