I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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