Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
