You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
