you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
