I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
