whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
