My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
