She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize