im about as happy as oj after his trial
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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