If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
