ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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