Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
