oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
