A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
