For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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