I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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