why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
