I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
