you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
