Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize