i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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