do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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