I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
