my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
