dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
