life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
