separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
