i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ttyl tear gas
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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