Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
