Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
