"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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