She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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