Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
