he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
