Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
