We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
