Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Less talking, more tequila
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
