I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
