theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
