I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sarcasm needs its own font
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
