new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
did i just pee glitter
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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