Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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