rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
