The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
