I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
