fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
