While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's the barista slut.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i out mim tonsoeep
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