I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
