So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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