I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
