you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
